I make a habit of attending noon Mass near the place where I work.  It’s only a few blocks down and it gives me a chance to get away from what is typically a busy and stressful day.  It occassionally also gives me a chance to attend confession.

Before Fr. Eddy even saw me coming around the separator for a face to face confession, he started aloud with his prayers. Then he stopped abruptly, “Jorge, how are you? How are you and your family?” He wore his usual smile and, as always, slowly articulated every single word he said to me. We had known each other for years.  He had baptize my youger two daughters who were now in college and high school.

“How is your new position?” He recited – slowly.

“It’s going really well,” I replied. “Times are tough, but our company is doing well and my boss really likes my work.”

“You are like the Cathedral in Cologne,” he said pausing. It’s almost like he expected me to understand. My confused look must have tipped him off so he proceeded to explain.

During World War II Cologne, a German city near the French border, was hit hard. The city was heavily bombed with the cathedral taking 14 direct hits from aerial bombers. Despite the pounding, the cathedral never collapsed. The contrast between one of the world’s largest churches and the surrounding rubble was so striking many believers attributed it to divine intervention. I looked the Cathedral of Cologne up and understood.

“With the stories I hear every day,” Fr. Eddy commented, “you should be grateful. You are like the Cathedral of Cologne.” he repeated.

His message was so timely. The financial pressures had been eating away at me. My wife had recently lost her job. My current job paid well, but we had accumulated some debt that was making it tough to make all our monthly bills.  His comment gave me some perspective. “Could I possibly reframe the way I look at my problem?”

I was all stressed out. It unnerved me and I was hoping for to receive some mental relief from this confession. Here I was standing and strong too.  Yet I couldn’t see the many around me who were out of work and in more real trouble than I was. I wasn’t solid financially, but I started thinking about the cathedral. It was still standing, but could it have been just inches from collapsing? Could the 15th bomb have been the one that would have broken it?

My spiritual strength and endurance are priceless gifts. I thank God I have them. But they do not immunize me from suffering and I think we sometimes expect that.  The cathedral helped me see my spiritual and emotional tug-of-war as inevitable – just part of being human. That would make my physical and emotional responses less as a sign of weakness and more a function of being alive.

I had so much to be grateful for. I enjoyed my job. It matched my talents well and the company was doing well. My wife was out of work, but the time off had given us time to rekindle our love. We would soon celebrate our 25th
wedding anniversary. My daughters were healthy, doing well at school, and, most importantly, they knew how to make good decisions.

Those thoughts were very consoling, but so was the thought that all these “feeling” are a part of the adventure – a real part of being alive. All my perfectionist tendencies drive me to believe that should I work hard enough, I’ll get through it with flying colors. You’d think I should be able to make myself, maybe even force myself, to overcome these feelings inadequacy. But that’s just a not the way it works.

The facts reveal that I am standing. The facts also revealed I’m not at my best.  My spiritual walk can help me see it joyfully as God sees it and that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m protect from the pain. I am standing yet at the same time I am hurting. I have control of some things, but when you get right down to it, I am in control of nothing. The facts are what they are and working to accept the facts and not fight them reveals a little glimpse of God’s love which is what I am after anyway.

Hope this helps.